K.A.D
THE PENGUIN HUNTER (UNFINISHED)
May 21st 2020
BLAM!
“Thar she blows”
And with a moment of brutal pirality McGuffin had hit his penguin count for the day. Solemnly he trudged toward the corpse ruining the perfect blankness of the untouched snow. He had never enjoyed this. He had forced himself into this business as he believed it paid well; he was wrong. Now 7 years into his penguin hunting endeavors and nothing had changed. He longed for the money he felt he deserved, the money he was owed, the money that would bring him happiness. As with most of the world he believed in a higher purpose, a holy being. However over the years of anguish from the freezing temperatures of the arctic he had become bitter at the thought of his god. How could someone who promised hope and happiness allow him to think the vile scene of the deep red penguin blood pooling on the snow covered ground was what he was destined for. His eyes caught the lake of blood surrounding the penguin and it pierced into his head as if it had a mind of its own. He had never felt such a connection with blood before. Maybe he was a vampire, he thought for a second before realising there's no way he could be
JOURNAL
May 21st 2020
Hast thou ever hadst blood taken from thou? I hadenst thought so. Today my blood was sucked from my veins by a lady who was quite nice but also she was stealing my blood so maybe she was faking it. As I looked around the room I became paranoid and as she jabbed my inner arm with her hand fang I began to feel sick and woozy. I believe I almost passed out but I can't really remember its kinda fuzzy. Anyways I do remember leaning against her for support because I felt like my life was ending, good god that sucked. This accutane stuff sucks. I am dry all the time which is supposed to be the worst part but I couldn’t really care less about it because I’m too busy stopping myself from making youtube videos because the right side of my face looks like someone dumped salsa all over it. Honestly I feel overall pretty shit because I don’t know what I want out of my life and everyone keeps telling me that it's alright but my dumbass brain refuses to accept that so I'm constantly telling myself I'm wasting my life away. This currently makes it sound like I’m sad or something but I’m not. I'm just wanting to feel like I'm doing the thing I love. But I still am unable to find said things I’m supposed to love, I like making videos but for some reason I do not make it on the things I actually like to do because it's too “cringey” so instead I make videos about stuff I feel like others would like to watch. I’m constantly attempting to please others and I’m gonna try to stop it. That's kinda why I’m doing this journal/blog/self-indulgent word jumble of ideas and rants I have about certain topics, I want to try to get better at being myself. Looks like that date is gonna be May 21 of corona year. So I started to try to write a show about these three guys who move in together and it was going well until I got bored. Or did I get bored?
I'VE DECIDED (BOOK)
May 1st 2020
How do you put sentences together to start a story? I’m confused because I don’t know. Question authority! What is the word dissonance and what does it mean. He really never did this before no. Trying to fill up a page is gonna work. Alex keeps looking at what I’m writing. He just asked about what I’m writing and I just laughed. He keeps talking to me but I ain’t listening. My hand hurts, maybe I’m dying. Maybe god has given me the “gift of gab” and I can talk real cool. Smart people always ask questions. I wouldn’t consider myself a smart person but I ask a lot of questions. Who came up with the question mark it’s a weird shape. My hand cracked the bones on the other hand. One hand was helping a brother out. Ow my hand. I use certain fonts to convey different feelings, but feelings are what the government wants us to feel. Never act not like yourself. If you do that you’re fake. Unless you’re just not trynna be sad and wanna “fake it till you make it”. Alex showed me a meme and I laughed but did I find it funny? There it is again another question mark, disgusting, what a rude thing putting himself (or herself) in places where they don’t belong. I’m gonna make a book out of this and no one will read it or be able to, because raw human emotion is what life is and books are stories about other lives not yours.
NUCLEAR EXPLOSION (UNFINISHED)
May 1st 2020
[Picture of house alone, in barren wasteland (the text 2045 after the planet has been destroyed by nuclear warfare]
(brian enters through the door)
Brian:
Still flipping that coin huh?
Gary:
(flipping coin) yep
Brian:
You don’t have anything better to do?
Gary:
Nope
Brian:
(mouth noise) K (sees paper all over the coffee table) If you’re gonna bring paper out or something could you not scatter it all over the place (picks it up and stacks it all)
Gary:
My bad
Brian :
Yeah I’m just bored, don't really do anything anymore ya know? Whats up?
Gary:
I’ve been trying not to focus on the huge stack of paper sitting on the table.
(Stack of paper intensifies)
Brian:
Did not think a stack of paper could be so scary, why’d you put it there?
Gary:
I thought you did
Brian:
Nope
Gary:
Huh..
(Stack of paper intensifies)
Gary:
Anyways You could try reading
Brian:
Actually yeah that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. I always wanted to, before the whole (points to window)
Gary:
That was the craziest day
Brian:
Yeah I know, getting that window installed just made my life insane.
Gary:
you’re telling me
(both just stare up at the window for a solid 2 seconds)
Brian:
Anyways i’m gonna go see if I can find a book to read
Gary:
Alright good luck
(begins to flip coin)
Brian:
KOOL AID MAN SKIT THING IDK
May 1st 2020
RK: Oh my god Keiran you died for a few minutes.
K: What?
RK: yeah you bet Nariek you could drink 30 kool aids in a row
K: No come on I'm not that…
(RK pulls out video of him drinking kool aid)
K: Did I finish it?
RK: yeah I think so
K: OH YEAH (looks at camera) (kool aid men jump through screen)
RK: Oh no theres one more
(kool aid man jumps through screen but its edited so he says oh no)
March 3rd 2020
JOHNS HOUSE REAL
NARRATION : In John’s house lies 4 guys, Humphrey, one who is just called Bruh whose real name is not John, the one who’s nickname is John but his real name is not John and it is not his house, and Steve. Fuck Steve by the way that man is TFOGS. And now John’s house. Flash through shots of different items throughout the room, and then end on a shot of the whole crew sitting around Bruh throws a dart, john looking at his phone, Steve is just sitting there staring off into nothing.
STEVE
Are you on hold with his assistant now?
JOHN
Yeah, how’d you know that?
STEVE
Just a guess
JOHN
You surmise well
STEVE
I like to think I do
Humphrey walks through the bedroom door
HUMPHREY
My fellow paramours!
REST OF CAST
Hey!
Humphrey!
Humphrey strides into the room with great pleasure and sits down and Bruh joins him in sitting down on the couch.
HUMPHREY
Guys I have some troubling news
The dart lands
STEVE
What is it?
HUMPHREY
(sighs)... I am absolutely famished
Everyone sits back with a sense of relief but are also feeling as though they have been tricked. Everyone's laughing
JOHN
OH you bamboozled us!
BRUH
Hey humphrey
HUMPHREY
I know, I know i’m sorry
STEVE
What a flim flam
Everyone stops laughing and looks at Steve immediately, John turns a second later but it is in the wrong direction.
HUMPHREY
You ruined it
STEVE
You must be taradiddling right now
JOHN
(still facing wrong direction) Fucking Steve
REST including all crew and characters not in scene
Fucking Steve!
STEVE
(Looks sad but used to it)
JOHN
Anyways, speaking of hunger, pizza would be unreal right now
HUMPHREY
Yeah sounds good, you guys alright with hawaiian?
JOHN
Meat pizza
BRUH
You really got us with that one humphrey
STEVE
Cheese?
All stop talking and stare at Steve. They don’t say anything for an awkward amount of time
STEVE
You guys gonna say…
HUMPHREY
FUCKING STEVE!!!
REST
FUCKING STEVE!!!
STEVE
(nod as he knew it was boutta occur)
HUMPHREY
(on phone) alright so 573-449-2454, hi yes one hawaiian, one meat, and one salami pizza please
Humphrey begins to react to what the pizza person is saying
HUMPHREY
What?
Reactionary shots from other characters about Humphrey
In between each line
HUMPHREY
Please
HUMPHREY
No no no You can’t do this to me
HUMPHREY
Oh my god, This can't be happening right now
HUMPHREY
What's the point, My life’s over, my life’s over
HUMPHREY
I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, WHATS YOUR NAME? SHIRLEY, well well, well FUCK YOU
HUMPHREY
SHAME
PIZZA PERSON
Sir
HUMPHREY
SHAME
PIZZA PERSON
Please sir….
HUMPHREY
SHAME
PIZZA PERSON
Im sorry sir, uh sir?
Says it quietly with the last shame and after a slight delay
HUMPHREY
Shame (hangs up)
Humphrey sits back and looks depressed
JOHN
Holy shit what was that
HUMPHREY
They got no meat
One second of awkward wide angle shot of everyone
JOHN
Did I ever tell yall how I lost my sight?
[shot of Steve and humphrey saying yes]
JOHN
(before they can say anything)So I was performing Macbeth onstage, Act 2 scene 3, it was the beginning of the scene
Three knocks on the door
STEVE
I don't think thats the...
HUMPHREY
The pizzas here already
Humphrey goes to open the door and when he does is greeted by a man with a gun.
HUMPHREY
you don’t look like the pizza man
ROBBER
I cometh here to robeth thee
I wanteth thine legal tender from thee
HUMPHREY
Oh, alright
Humphrey begins to take off his belt and pull down his pants
ROBBER
No no no oh god. I meantith money from thee
Please hand over it from thee
(Wide shot, everyone looks around)
HUMPHREY
What?
JOHN
Who?
STEVE
What was that?
ROBBER
Shut uppeth Steve
(Steve is confused as to how the robber knew to do that)
ROBBER
Forgive me for thy was testing mine own rapping ability
STEVE
Oh… ok
ROBBER
What, what it doth be?
HUMPHREY
It’s just the whole… you know
ROBBER
What is thine speaking of?
BRUH
Get a salami pizza please
JOHN
You rhymed thee with thee dude
STEVE
Yeah I don’t think that's rapping
ROBBER
Oh, For I was improvising
HUMPHREY
Still not rapping
ROBBER
But that be offeth the top of mine head
JOHN
Listen if that was rapping my therapist has got to start giving me the right drugs
ROBBER
alas doth thee knoweth about rapping thee little flap-dragon?
JOHN
Enough to know that that wasn’t it
BRUH
Hey that doesn’t look like the pizza guy
ROBBER
how didst i get mine songs on apple music then?
HUMPHREY
everyone makes music these days, doesn’t mean you should. Also it's surprisingly easy to get music on streaming platforms, even KiDobbi did it with his premiere album, Thots and Thoughts.
(wink at end)
ROBBER
no but i am very good, hither i wilt showeth thou
(15 minutes later)
[ROBBER I only fucketh with thee]
(silence)
ROBBER
well? What doth thou bethink?
(awkward silence mixed with people not thinking very good things about the music)
ROBBER
Cmon, what.. What doth thou bethink?
STEVE
do you only know how to rhyme thee with thee?
ROBBER
what?
STEVE
all of your rhymes ended with thee
ROBBER
No
HUMPHREY
Yeah
ROBBER
no
ALL (EXCEPT ROBBER)
Yeah
ROBBER
no in “who’s house doth this be” it hadst (montage of him rapping ending with rhymes thee), oh... and he begins to get really upset. (He sinks into the couch)
BRUH
Someone gonna tell him he rhymed thee with thee?
JOHN
Yeah that was rough (starts crying)
Small pause
HUMPHREY
O...k listen it's alright, hey , we can help you become a better rapper
JOHN
(wiping away tears) Yeah we can teach you how to rhyme new words
HUMPHREY
And how to think of them on the spot
STEVE
And how to…
HUMPHREY
Steve leave the teaching to us (slaps Steve)
(steve looks away and shakes his head)
Humphrey looks back at ROBBER
HUMPHREY
It’s time to become a good rapper
[Scene Ends]
Music starts playing and we see Humphrey talking to the Robber
HUMPHREY
Alright first what you’re gonna need to do is learn the basics
ROBBER nods his head
HUMPHREY
Like here finish the line John wrote
Sees that John has written everything in braille
HUMPHREY
Oh jesus christ
HUMPHREY
Alright finish this line without using the word thee
Board says “if it's alright with thee, May I go take a ______”
ROBBER
If it's alright with thee, May I go take a look at thee?”
HUMPHREY
No, ok now try again
“if it's alright with thee, May I go take a look at that ______”
ROBBER
If it’s alright with thee, May I go take a look at that over thee?
HUMPHREY
That doesn’t even make sense
Fades into new clip
Ok (sigh) try another
“if it's alright with thee, To a summer's day shall I compare __”
ROBBER
To a summer’s day shall I compare thee
HUMPHREY
(stares at board for a sec) Alright yeah that one was my bad
Fades into new clip
HUMPHREY
Ok just don't say thee
ROBBER
(sighs as if preparing for a monumental step)
“if it's alright with thee, my favourite number is ______”
ROBBER
If it’s alright with thee, My favourite number is thhhhhhhhh
Camera cuts back and forth as the robber holds the th sound we see both men’s eyes, mouths, and full faces
ROBBER
Ttthhhree
HUMPHREY
Did you just say three?
ROBBER
I saideth three!
HUMPHREY
HE SAID THREE!!!!!
People jump out from the background and begin to go wild. John breaks a wooden board, Steve is thrown to the futon, and Bruh is not there, girl in wig is there and she’s dancing around, and Cowboy Dan.
[Scene Ends]
JOHN
Robber is that you?
ROBBER
Yeah?
JOHN
Now I will teach you how to Develop your own sty..
ROBBER
How long have you been up here?
JOHN looks up and to the left
Shows John has been there for 6 hours with a flashback. A kid approaches and John gives the same spiel to him but the kid just walks away. Continues to give the same spiel to passerbys.
JOHN
Haha anyways… Now I will teach you how to Develop your own style like how eminem has kinda poor angry man music or how Xxxtentcion, Rip X, had depressing music the point is, you must find your own style, and to find the style you must give yourself a name. Like “Shakespeare Guy”
ROBBER
I’m not too sureth, what about McBeth?
JOHN
No see that’s corny, and stupid, think more along the lines of “shakespeare guy”
ROBBER
No I am noteth the biggest fan of thine name “shakespeare guy”
John looks at him and just stares for thirty minutes we get a wide shot and bruh saying “he said three” and dancing
ROBBER
Alright I’ll… i’ll be Shakespeare guy
John just nods
[Scene Ends]
BRUH
Congratulations to shakespeare guy
ROBBER
Alright, what are the steps?
BRUH
For My training I will be teaching you how to take the next steps
ROBBER
But I can’t do that people are around
BRUH
The step is very simple, rap in public
ROBBER
Do I have to? don’t I already have that title?
BRUH
You will never become a true rapper and earn your title as Shakespeare guy if you do not do this
ROBBER
Ugh fine
BRUH
(nods slowly)
ROBBER begins to rap and as he goes on people begin to come and watch
ROBBER
As thou can see
How people doth be
Cause these people like thee
Can be soldeth for free
People doth Bethink
What I have in mine Sink
Would maketh people shriek
If thou just took a peek
Wide shot of the small crowd
All the boys except Steve standing watching from afar as he raps to the crowd
[Scene End]
ROBBER
Blessings to you all, for thou hast given and taughteth thou how to rap.
Shot of everyone nodding and smiling
ROBBER
You all doth be amazing teachers and I am blessed to be thine student. Humphrey, teaching me how to rappeth something other than thee, John, for bestowing upon me my style, and mine own name “shakespeare guy”, Bruh for showing me confidence in showing my music to the public. And Steve well I doth have a quote for you
JOHN
Guys his phones finally ringing
ROBBER
The great TFOGS once said
Steve’s phone starts ringing, everything goes quiet,
JOHN
Huh
HUMPHREY
NO!
BRUH
For the good of humanity
STEVE
Knew it
ROBBER shoots steve
[Video end]
JOHNS HOUSE #2
March 3rd 2020
Intro : Hi, I’m Jack, and these are my friends Otis, Henry, and Norm, and this is John’s House
Jack is walking around when he sees a poster for “a really cool club”.
Jack
Wow this looks really really cool! I have to tell all my friends about this [Shot shows the back of the poster revealing its a KKK poster - Laugh Track]
Scene cuts to John’s House and they’re all in the basement. Henry is holding a notepad and Otis and him are talking.
Otis
He seems like a really good guy yeah
(Jack Walks in)
Jack
Hey guys
Otis
Hey Jack!
Henry
Hey
Jack
What y'all up to?
Otis
brainstorming cool last names
Jack
Why?
Otis
Idk we kinda just started it
Jack
Oh ok, well what do you have so far?
Henry
Stewart, Goodman, Adams, Jones
Jack
What about Dicaprio?
Henry
No, it's not cool enough
Otis
Doesn’t have that ring.
Jack
What about Kerry?
Otis
Now that’s a name [Laugh Track]
Henry
I'm putting it down
Jack
Anyways what are y’all doing later?
Otis
I actually got a free ticket to tour NASA
Jack
Oh who gave it to you?
Otis
NASA [Laugh track]
Jack
Oh cool can I see the ticket?
Otis
Sure (hands Jack the ticket)
Otis hands Jack the ticket and he looks it over
Jack
Nice, well have fun, don’t get onto any of the rocket ships
Otis
Haha, i'm not that dumb [Laugh Track]
(Otis looks at the camera)
You see this ladies and gentlemen? This is Foreshadowing, now Foreshadowing is a literary device in which a writer gives an advance hint of what is to come later in the story. Another example of foreshadowing would be me saying that someone would be planning something in the next episode. (Otis sits back down)
Jack
Alright, Henry what about you?
Henry
Idk yet but I don’t like those large group things, I guess i’ll just hang out, maybe something will hit me.
Jack
Damn, alright, what about you Norm?
Norm
(Weird breathing sounds)
Henry
Damn Norm
Otis
You dog [Laugh Track]
Jack
Nice! Damn that means I’m going to this thing alone, well I better head out its gonna start soon
Otis
Here i’ll head out with you
Jack & Otis
Bye guys
Henry & Norm (split screen)
Henry : Bye
Norm : Makes Sounds
Henry
So i'm working on this time machine
(scene ends)
Jack walks onto screen, he is searching for the club meeting place but cannot seem to find it. He runs into someone.
Jack
Hi, sorry would you happen to know where this club is?
Woman
My son was molested, he was molested many years ago and I can’t find him, where is he?
Jack
Have you been drinking? [Laugh Track]
Woman
I haven’t found him since
Jack
Listen lady I don’t really care about your son I'm sure he’s fine
Woman
I miss him more than my heart can handle, losing a child and never being able to help fix him, that's what I wanted the best for my child and I could not give that to him, I'm a failure
Jack sees club in the background
Jack
Oh there's the club, outta my way (pushes lady away) [Laugh Track]
Jack runs over to the entrance to the club, he is met by a by a big man who will not let him pass into the club without a test
Jack
Hi i'm here for the really cool club
Guard
Yes this is the entrance to the really cool club
Jack
Can I get in?
Guard
First you must answer these questions
(Jack nods head)
Guard
What is your favourite colour
Jack
White i guess
Guard
Correct [Laugh Track]
Jack
Didn’t know that was a right or wrong but ok [laugh track]
Guard
What is your least favourite colour?
Jack
Man yall really care about colours ummm... I guess purple [Laugh Track]
Guard
Correct we would have accepted any other colour except white
Jack
Ya’ll must like winter
Guard
(Stares)
Jack
Cause of snow
Guard
(silence) Final question, what is your heritage
Jack
German?
Guard
You pass [laugh track]
Jack
Nice!
Guard
next to get to the meeting you must cross this river in this a small, flat-bottomed boat.
Jack
Man this is so much work for a club damn
(scene ends)
Otis is taking the tour walking through NASA and his tour guide is telling him about what everything is
Otis
(thinking) man this is cool seeing all this space stuff but this man is so boring.
Tour Guide
He was on Mercury-Atlas 6 and was the first American to orbit Earth.
Otis
Cool (almost sarcastically) [Laugh Track]
Otis starts daydreaming and is not paying attention to what the tour guide is saying
Tour Guide
Over there they are prepping a spaceship for launch today so don’t wander off
Otis
Wait what? [Laugh Track] Hmmm, (otis stops to tie his shoe until the tour guide walks away)
Otis goes into the restricted area. He sees a bunch of cool materials being used to build spaceships, he gets to the spaceship that is launching today
Otis
I wonder what it's like in a spaceship
(scene ends)
Henry is walking through the street when a car is shown about to hit him.
(scene ends)
Jack gets off the boat and is greeted by someone
Member
Hello and welcome to this really cool club, all K’s [laugh track]
Jack
Haha... what?
Member
No, welcome to the meeting place, here's your costume, here's your rank epic giant, and here's your indoctrination guide
Jack
Thanks! (Tries to sound out indoctrination and then throws away the guide) (thinkings) hmmm epic giant that sounds awesome [Laugh Track]
Member
Here let me give you a little tour of the area
Jack
Alright
Member
Here's the grand wizards house
Jack
Grand Wizard? Thats awesome (starts picturing himself as a wizard and casting spells)
Member
We try to make racism fun [cut to Jack picturing himself as a wizard][Laugh Track] It may not be the prettiest thing to do but someone has to uphold the fight against different ethnicities [cut to Jack casting spells and doing weird tricks][Laugh Track] This clan has existed for 153 years and we need to continue pressing for what we want [cut to Jack picturing himself with a bunch of women as a wizard][Laugh Track] in conclusion white supremacy is important
Jack
(grins and then snaps out of trance)hmm? Oh yes, yeah yeah of course
Member
Oh well you’re in for a treat it looks like the bonfire is about to start, they might be making s’mores
Jack
I’m not the biggest fan of chocolate
Member
You’re gonna fit right in here
(scene ends)
Henry is in a hospital bed and looks like his whole body as been crushed by the bus
(scene ends)
Otis is inside the spaceship walking around looking at everything, He's picking up space stuff
Otis (Thinking)
Damn this is all really cool (picks up a hammer but is holding it wrong) wow this must be some type of space locator device or something (realises its a hammer) oh no wait, no this is just a hammer (looks at the space food and smells it) freeze dried egg, hmm yeah maybe not. Oh cool a stereo, I wonder what songs in it? (clicks the play button and rocket man starts playing) OH SWEET I love Elton...
(Scene ends)
Jack yawns
Jack (thinking)
Man this bonfire is really long and there's no snacks, everyone's just watching this cross burn, this club may not be as cool as I thought
Jack
Hey, so is this all y’all do?
Member
Mostly, well that and you know get angry at minorities for existing
Jack
Yeah... wait what?
(scene ends)
Otis is on the spaceship listening to rocket man and than the ground starts to rumble, He doesn’t understand at first but after a few seconds, his eyes widen and he realises that he accidentally got on the spaceship they were launching that day.
Otis
Oh fuck
(scene ends)
Jack
Wait what club is this?
Member
Were the KKK and were actually a clan
Jack
Y’alls the ones that dislike minorities?
Member
Yes sir that is us
Jack
Oh sweet cool nice
The Member starts becoming suspicious
Member
Are you alright?
Jack
(sweating profusely)
Yeah I'm fine I just need to use the washroom
Member
You’re very pale, and you’re sweating quite a bit
Jack
(over the top sweating)
Yeah I just really need to use the washroom, I’ll be back
The member knows what's going on and hits Jack over the head [screen goes black]
(scene ends)
Otis’ ship takes off and he must hold on to the wall and the camera keeps jump cutting between him and the ship taking off. After one of the cuts, we see henry watching the launch on tv
Henry
Wow Otis got to see that launch in person, what a lucky fella
Cuts to Otis in the ship being launched into space and he looks like a very unlucky fella before he passes out as well.
(scene ends)
Random pictures appear on the screen, its three shots, one of someone coming up to a kid, one luring him with him, and lastly the kid going with him.
Jack wakes up and is bound by rope on his wrists and ankles and is in a weird basement area. He is confused about what happened when someone walks in, it’s the grand wizard and he is wearing a very epic wizard costume.
Grand Wizard
So you’re the one who snuck through our security
Shot of Jack and his mouth is taped up
Grand Wizard
Thanks to you i'm gonna have to write all new questions
Jack(Through the tape)
Your questions are bad
Grand Wizard
Don’t you dare say that
Jack(Through the tape)
They are
Grand Wizard
No they aren’t
Jack(Through the tape)
They’re really bad
Grand Wizard
NO
Jack(Through the tape)
Look at this man with shitty questions ooooo
Grand Wizard
Shut up!
Jack(Through the tape)
Do you know John?
Grand Wizard
Who?
Jack(Through the tape)
Nevermind
Grand Wizard
Anyways I must away I have grand wizarding duties to attend to, you will be killed soon so take a moment to gather your thoughts. Also rate us on yelp it really helps a lot thanks.
Jack sighs
(scene ends)
Otis awakens and is dazed and confused, he gets up and stumbles before seeing a window, He stumbles over to it, and when he peers outside the outside is space.
Otis
Oh Otis, you silly boy, you’re in space now [Laugh Track]
Otis looks around for something he may be able to contact Earth with. He picks up a bunch of stuff but is not able to find anything that would help. He walks around for a bit before seeing the front window
Otis
Uh oh
Otis is heading straight for the sun, and he sees his demise coming soon.
(scene ends)
Henry is doing more recovery
(scene ends)
THE SCIENTIST
March 3rd 2020
Sion the aspiring scientist is planning his third and final attempt to make it into the National Institute of Cool Experiments by doing an experiment named “Can humans live off of only cigarette smoke?” He turns on the camera and we see a man taped to a chair with a cigarette taped to his mouth we see he is about to be unable to breath as Sion covers up his nose with tape. As he is introducing the experiment the man’s head falls back and we can see he is clearly dead. Sion shuts the camera in disappointment and turns around and shakes his head at the dead guy. We hear the door open and as Sion turns he realises its sidekick (unnamed currently). He begins to ramble about what he got from the supermarket before looking around to see where Sion and as he looks into the kitchen he realises what Sion has done. He steps over to him angrily questioning why he did the experiment. Sion asks “what do you mean you said it’d be a great idea” and we see a flashback to sidekick clearly using sarcasm after being asked if said experiment would be a good one. He tells him that he was using sarcasm, what's that? “Fuck off you know what sarcasm is”. “Ha yeah I do, well I really believed in it ya know? Plus I mean I doubt he’s actually dead he’s probably just passed out”. Sidekick pulls an orange out of the plastic bag he’s been carrying and lobs it at the bodies face to which it doesn’t react. Sidekick looks at Sion with a deadpan look. Sion replies with “ok well that was just rude”. Sidekick responds by saying “yeah there were probably better ways to tell”. “Isn’t that a crime?”, “what?” “desecrating the dead, I mean you threw something at a dead body”. “Im pretty sure murder is worse” “touche (pronounced toosh). The effects of shock hit sidekick as he begins to worry about what to do with the body. Sion tells him not to worry as he’ll bury him. Sidekick questions what they’re going to do with the body. Sion answers saying he knows just what to do with it, its pit time. It cuts to a black screen. Scene ends. Sidekick pacing after Sion has left and checking the time. As he’s worrying he realises that Sion has not taken the keys to the car even though he’s going to bury someone. He runs upstairs and outside Sion is burying him in the backyard. Sidekick sees this and shouts at him asking what the fuck he’s doing. Sion responds questioning what he means. You said you were going to “the pit”. “Yeah you’re looking at it”. “THE PIT IS IN THE BACKYARD?”. SION WE RENT THE BASEMENT. Sion tells him to calm down as they’ve never seen him before and they never go near the back door. Sidekick looks over to the body seeing the arms and legs sticking out of the ground. “you’re not even burying him right”. “Yeah the pit was not deep enough, plus I had to take some of the stuff I buried before out.”. “Why’d you bury so many glue sticks?”. “Don't bother they’re empty”, “terrible answer”.
THE IMPORTANCE OF SAVING YOUR MONEY
November 7th, 2019
O/E: Hey Guys welcome back to pranks (walks into the store and looks around for a bit)
K: Hello there
O/E: Hello there sir (turns to camera and laughs) He has no idea! (looks around for a second
before grabbing something)
K: Is that all for you today?
O/E: Yeah that’ll be it
K: okay that’ll be $10 exactly
O/E: sounds good, oh and you can keep the change
K: There is no change
O/E: No don't worry bout it just keep the change
K: no sir there's no change.
O/E: Don't worry i want to help however I can
K: It was exactly 10 dollars and you gave me a ten dollar bill.
[Pans to Kieran and he's laughing]
O/E: haha there is no change
K: yeah I know
O/E: (rolling on the floor laughing)
K: what is going on?
(K rolls out of the shot)
[Pans to K, who is now in a suit jacket, talking directly to the camera]
K: This could be your son or daughter, they could be spending their money on frivolous
purchases and dumb pranks, I’m Humphrey the second and i'm here to teach you about the
importance of saving money. When we are kids we are oblivious to the fact that money needs to
be saved, so we spend it anytime can. But as we begin to grow older were taught more about
the importance of saving as it can come in very handy having money prepared for a rainy day.
As well as having backup money, we need savings to pay for our basic human needs such as
shelter, food and water once we move out of our parents house. If you keep money saved up,
and if you have a savings account, you may be able to get insurance on the money in the
account if your account gets taken away due to it being run by your parents you’ll have to start
one on your own. Saving money may also mean you have to watch your reckless spending.
Now your fursuit may not seem like an important purchase to your mom it sure seems it will be
used more than the 80th cookbook for the woman who never cooks. Having a savings also
helps in case you are forced to move out of your current living arrangement very abruptly
without any notice, which would be ridiculous as that's supposed to be the person who loves
you most in this world but she doesnt think “fursuit artist” is a real job, even though you may
have made $10000 last month mom!
[walks off screen and the shot is now him at a bar]
[Kieran checks his phone with how much money he has on him]
K: gimme a bottle Jim
G: Alright, don't kill yourself though
K: I’ll try my best
G: you puke, I'm cleaning it up with your shirt
K: love you too
[Kieran looks around and sips the bottle, he looks at the bottle shrugs and begins to chug the
whole thing. Shots of him walking around and being drunk, he begins buying things left and
right, money sounds everywhere as he’s spending all his money. The screen goes black]
[K wakes up and it's in black and white and its silent film form. He has a giant hangover and he
doesn't know where he is. He checks his phone and he has 10 cents in his bank account, he
begins to freak out, he can't remember what happened last night. He walks down the street
dejectedly before arriving at his small apartment which is getting repoed because he could not
pay rent.]
He sits down on his couch and says “I should have saved my money” but its silent film
It appears on the screen and then the end flashes up after its gone.
THE LIFE OF A GAMER
April 8th, 2019
A kid finds a new game and decides to start playing it. He seems to really enjoy it and is starting to become the best. After his training he finally does become the best. He goes to tell his parents but they shove him aside for his sister who's holding a basketball. He goes back to gaming and after another bout of working very hard he starts to make some money off of it. He goes to tell his parents but is again shoved away for his sister who’s holding a basketball and a cheque. He leaves saddened and feels awful. Once more he works hard and starts to realize it's more about love. He goes up to his parents holding a sign that says “I love you”. But again is pushed aside for his sister who has a sign “saying “I love you more”. Feeling worthless he heads back down and he kills himself (boom on screen (because it's a silent film)). We see this from behind and the camera moves to the screen where his gamer friends are saying “F” in the chat. (Cuts out) the word gamers fades onto the screen, the most oppressed race.